I am so bad at updating this thing.. lol. I need to update it more often. It's just, when I am not working I am trying to get out and actually have a life. Haha.

So, I am no longer on 3rd shift. I now work 3:00pm-12:00am Sunday thru Wednesday. It is sooooo much better and I am a lot happier on that shift. I actually feel like a normal human being.. haha. But, this might be a long entry. I feel like I have so many thoughts swirling in my head. So, I will try to express them in the easiest way possible. But, I apologize in advance if some things don't make sense.. lol.

For starters, I had to put my beloved Pokey down on October 29th, 2008. That was one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do. She was 21 years old and was very ill. Her kidneys were starting to fail and she couldn't even walk anymore, so it was time. I have been having a really hard time adjusting to her not being around. I mean hell, I got her in April of 1987... so she was my companion for 21 wonderful years (I am almost 26). It's so weird that she isn't here anymore. But, putting her down was the humane thing to do. She was a wonderful sidekick to me and it wouldn't have been right to allow her to suffer. So rest in peace Pokey my beloved. I am missing you like crazy!

Today I had a little bit of a scare though. I had Pokey cremated, so they called me on Wednesday to let me know that her ashes were ready. So I went Thursday morning to get her. Well when I got there, I could see the urn I picked out for her, but the lady kept overlooking it. To the point where she was like "I can't find her. Are you sure someone else didn't come pick her up?" And all I could think was "You assholes better not have given my cat to someone else." But thank God she ended up finally noticing it and I got Pokey's ashes. So, she is home with me now. :)

That asshole guy IMed me not too long ago. We hadn't talked in well over a month. And I was fine with that. I don't need his drama. But one day he IMed me outta the blue and tried to play it off like I was snubbing him. What an ass. He talked shit about me, that's why I cut him out. Tried to make it out like he never was interested in me, never tried to get with me etc. Like I was making it all up in my head. Truth is, he was just pissed that I wouldn't give it up. I ended up responding to him IM. I just said hey and asked how he was. That was the extent of the convo. I am sure that is not the last time I will hear from him. So stay tuned.. haha.

Other than that, just been working. I have been looking into placed and jobs down in Dallas, TX. They have some really nice places for rent and some decent jobs. I really would like to move there. I go down there twice a year with my best friend Michelle and have fallen in love with Dallas. So.. we are thinking about relocating. I'll keep ya'll posted.

But, I think I am gonna head to bed. My back hurts and I have a lot to do tomorrow. I had so much I wanted to cover here, but I am too lazy and tired. So I'll post more soon. Take care and g'night all!

So literally the morning after I posted about that guy situation being over, he had the nerve to text me. I couldn't believe it. I got home from work and was playing with the kittens. My phone was still on silent so I saw the light flashing on my blackberry. Thought maybe it was one of my bestees texting.. as I pull up the message it is none other than asshole. I had deleted his # from my phone but I still recognized it. He didn't really say much.. just "Hi!".... But my blood was boiling after that.

But, you will be proud of me. I didn't respond. I know he just sent me a text to get a reaction from me. Would I have loved to respond and rip him a new asshole?? Sure I would have. I'm good at that! Haha. But, I was the bigger person and didn't say anything to him. Haven't heard anything from him since. I just can't believe that, after how things went down and everything he said, that asshole had the nerve to even send me anything. I am sure it was not the last time I will hear from him. Matter of fact, I know I will hear from him again. He's an asshole like that. Just when I think things are over and it's all in the past... I'll get a text from him bringing it all back. But, that is exactly how he wants it to be. What a tool.

Other than that... same shit, different day for me. Saturday night is my last day on 3rd shift! Yay!!! I have been working Wednesday thru Saturday 11:30pm-8:30am since June. So basically, I have had no life. Haha. But, that is all about to end come Sunday. I will be off on Sunday and Monday. This next week things will be a little off due to the transition and the training of the new guy. So I will be working 3pm-Midnight on Tuesday & Wednesday I will be working 3pm-9pm since I will have to work Thursday morning. Then on Thurday I will be working 7am-4pm. After that, I am off Friday and Saturday.. and start my official shift on Sunday at 3pm. After that I will officially be working Sunday thru Wednesday 3pm-Midnight and be off Thursday, Friday, and Saturday! Can't wait.

The kittens are doing good. They are getting so big. For those of you who don't know.. I have 3 cats. I have a cat named Pokey. I have had her since I was 5. Then, when my parents went to TN in May, they brought be back 2 kittens that were just born the end of April. There names are Sasha and Pandora (Dora). I will have to post some pics soon. They are adorable and are getting so big. When my parents brought them home they were sooooo small. Now they are so big. I can't believe they are already almost 6 months old. Craziness!

The only issue we have is that Pokey, she's 21 years old, is not fond of them. They do not get along. Pokey has been the only animal in the house for 10+ years and has gone deaf in her old age. So, it is a big adjustment for her. I know they just have to duke it out and then things will calm down. I mean, she doesn't like either of them but she dislikes Dora the most. When Pokey was born, she was the runt of the litter. She is still a little thing. If it wasn't for all the white/gray hair she is getting due to old age, people would think she was still really young. She can't weight more than 5 or 6 pounds. She's all black with a white tip on her tail and orange/yellow eyes. She was also an end of April kitty.. so it is kind of weird that the kittens were born at the end of April this year.

What else is weird is that Dora is looking more and more like Pokey everyday.. and sounds like her too. If you didn't know better, you would think Dora was Pokey's kitten. It's bizarre. Dora and Sasha are sisters and are part Maine Coone. Sasha is bigger and it cream colored with coffee brown and gray spots and stripes. Her tail looks like a racoons and she has the prettiest blue eyes! She is already the size of Pokey. Dora was the oldest and the runt of the litter. She is all black with a few stray white hairs here and there. When she was born she had green eyes.. but now they are the same color as Pokey's (orange/yellow). Like I said before, Dora could pass for a Pokey Jr. Haha. If it wasn't for the fact that Pokey is still alive, I would go as far to say that Dora would be the reincarnation of Pokey... haha. When you see her, you almost do a double take thinking it's Pokey. It is soooo bizarre.

Dora is the head honcho when it comes to Sasha. I know Dora wants to rule the house. But, Pokey is the current ruler. And, since they were both runts.. I think that has a lot to do with why they don't get along. I guess we will have to stay tuned to see what happens.

The only big issue we are having now is that the kittens brought fleas up with them. They were living outside when my parents brought them home. And of course, in TN, there are fleas and ticks everywhere. They are all indoor cats. The issue is, Pokey has been an indoor cat. She has never had fleas etc.. never been sick. In all her 21 years.. nothing has been wrong with her. So when the kittens came up, we didn't know they had fleas. Well, they spread them to poor Pokey. The only issue is, it wasn't just fleas they brought.. they also brought lice. So, we have been bathing all the cats. The kittens are fine now.. but poor Pokey is not. We bathed her for fleas and cleaned out the house.. but she got them again.. or so I thought. Come to find out.. she has lice. My mom kept thinking they were lice.. but everyone kept telling us that cat's can't get lice. They were WRONG! They can. So we found a mild shampoo that kills both fleas and lice. So... we will be bathing poor Pokey yet again.

She's been biting and itching herself so much that she has given herself scabs. She has been so miserable. So it will be nice to get rid of those things and get the scabs etc to go away so she can go back to her old, happy self. Heehee. I love my kitties!

Other than that, not too much else is up. Just dealing with the cats having fleas/lice.. and working my ass off. So, I will leave it at that. I'll update again soon when there is more going on. Take care ya'll!

Okay, so I feel like a heartless bitch even posting about this. As it is with everything in my life.. I am the last to do EVERYTHING. Seriously, that is just how my life seems to go. In this case, I am speaking of relationships.

Let me start off by saying that I am not dying to have some serious relationship. I just wish I had the companionship sometimes. It gets awfully lonely, especially when you are the only one who doesn't have a significant other to spend time with/talk to... etc. Right now, that is me. Right now, the friends I hang out with are all married, or pretty much on the way to marriage. I mean, I am happy for them. I am glad that they have found that special someone to share their life with. But I guess in a sense I am a little green with envy.

I guess I just feel sometimes like I am doomed to live life vicariously through everyone else. I haven't exactly been meeting the good guys. Quite frankly, the guys I am meeting these days are all sleazeballs with a one track mind. And if you read my profile and my first post, you know that I am still a virgin. So... that doesn't exactly work out for them or for me. 

Never in my life have I met so many sleazeballs that initially disguise themselves as sweethearts. And I especially hate the ones that play it off like "We can be friends" and they really don't mean it. Like, they will try and get in my pants and I shut them down. Then they are like "friendship is cool" but it is obvious that it really isn't. If it was, you would actually attempt to get to know me and discuss something with me other than getting laid and porn. And you would quit trying to get me to call you for phone sex. Seriously... it's been crazy. I dunno if they think that just because I am a bigger girl I am easy, or what the hell is going through their heads.

I mean, do I really let off the "she's a slut" vibe?? Do I have a sign over my head that reads "Open 24 hours" ?? Seriously. I mean, I know... guys like sex. I am not an idiot. But this has just been ridiculous. All I am trying to do is meet a nice guy. I want to date, I want to meet someone I can have a good time with, be friends, see where it progresses from there. I like to take things step by step.. I don't tend to just jump into things. I don't need some creep rushing me because he wants to get laid. Basically, if that is his only reason for talking to me, then he can go bark up someone else's tree.

But lately, all the guys I meet have been like "Okay, we have had a 30 minute conversation... can we screw now?" And then I make it clear to them that I am not that kinda girl. They play it off like it's cool and say "Friends is cool".. and then the next time we talk it turns into "We don't have to have sex, we can just screw around." Translation: "I want you to blow me and then I am done with you." Again, I am not that kinda girl. What makes you think that I am gonna mess around with you, not even being my boyfriend and all, when I never got that far with any of my past boyfriends? I'm not saying I have had a lot of boyfriends in the past, because I haven't, but I never felt comfortable enough to take it past the kissing/making out scenerio in most cases. So if I didn't take it that far with a guy that I really knew, why on earth would I mess around with a stranger?

As previously stated,  I am a virgin. Most days I am proud of that.  I say most days because some people really make me feel like a freak of nature for being a virgin at the age of 25. I know it is not a common thing these days. Am I waiting til marriage to lose my virginity? Nope. That has nothing to do with it really. I won't lie, back in the day it was religiously motivated. I used to be a little church girl. I went to church every Sunday.. blah blah blah. And for the record, yes, I believe in God. The reason I have remained a virgin I guess is because, aside from not really being all the comfortable in my own skin, I just never felt comfortable to move to that level with anyone. The guys I have managed to meet and briefly date have not exactly been all that great. I sure know how to pick them. Hell, in most cases I don't find them.. they find me. Seriously, it's been one joke of a man after another for me.

My issue is, I move back and forth. I am a very sexual person. I really am comfortable in my own sexuality and I have no issues discussing sex etc. I mean, I don't just sit down with Joe Schmoe off the street and start discussing it.. but if I feel comfortable with the person, I am pretty much an open book.  But lately I find myself in these situations where I am really attracted to someone that wants to hook up with me and I talk myself out of it. Most times I feel like a cartoon character. You know when they are trying to make a decision and they have the devil on one shoulder, and an angel on the other? The devil character is trying to get you to do it, and the angel character is talking you out of it. Haha. That is how I feel most times, but the "good girl/angel" side of me always kicks my ass straight. For the most part,  I don't just wanna hook up with some guy whose main purpose is to get some. I guess in a sense I don't just wanna be another notch on some guy's bedpost.  I always pictured my first time to be with someone I am in a relationship with. Someone I really love, trust, care about, and respect. Someone who looks at me the same way I do them, not just a hook up.

But, it's almost like that isn't going to happen any time soon. I find myself meeting more and more guys who don't really wanna date, they just want sex. Whether it be a one night stand, friends with benefits.. whatever... they just want to get laid. I often find myself trying to figure out if this is a sign for me to just give it up, or if I am being tested and should wait for the right person to come along. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

But back to the whole "green with envy" thing.. in the meantime I am watching my friends have these wonderful relationships. They are happy and life is good for them. I watch them progress, while I feel like I am standing still in a sense. I mean, like I said before, I am happy that they found that someone to share their life with... but I often find myself asking, "When will it be my turn?" I mean, am I going to be one of those cat ladies that lives alone with 30 cats? Or is the right person out there for me, but maybe I am just not ready for them yet? I guess we will have to stay tuned to find out huh?